i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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