It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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