I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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