Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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