At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
