Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
