sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
