You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
