I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
