guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
