i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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