His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
