Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
