Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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