I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
