so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Princesses don't give blow jobs
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
