my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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