my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
