No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
