Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
