I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
