How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
