i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
