Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
