My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
