I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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