if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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