Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
