I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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