Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
