So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
