it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
