I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Randomize
