$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
NoShamevember. You game?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
