My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
there's paper in my vomit.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
