like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
