drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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