I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Did I show you my penis last night?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I need to calm my uterus...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
