So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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