Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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