Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Can I color on your dick again?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
