wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
