I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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