Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
