im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
