I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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