He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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