So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
