Porn is love you can see.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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