i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
